Hey there, beautiful people! Sorry I have been MIA a bit this past week. I have been dealing with a stubborn kidney stone, but I had a procedure today to bust it up and am happy to admit that I am feeling much better!

Fun fact about me, I have always had a desire to write a book. I mean if every type of celebrity can do it, darn it I can too! I get ideas and jot them down in hopes that one day I will connect with one and the rest will be history. My current phone is slowly dying on me and as I’m going through everything on it, I came across my “brain dump” and instantly words started swirling around my head. While this note isn’t enough to pour into a novel, it sparked a flame that I cannot seem to put out. What is it?

Adult friendships are hard.

There are many different types of friends to be had other than just good or bad. There is a difference in being a friend and being friendly. You can be friendly with any and every one but not everyone is meant to be your friend. Once we can accept that fact we should be able to distinguish which is which. But warning, it isn’t easy.

Finding great friends as we grow older is work. Hard work. We are past the days of simple lives and childhood is a mere memory. As kids, we had one main priority and that was to have fun. Kids make friends easily because there is no baggage. They haven’t been hurt before and don’t heavily guard their little hearts to dip a toe into relationships. It is a full on cannonball. No reservations. No fear. No qualms about it. Humble. Innocent. Trusting.

Shouldn’t we seek out others in a childlike quest even as we are older? Absolutely! However adult friendships are tough. We are at the point in our lives where death, divorce, depression, children, and financial stress are involved. We have to deal with the overwhelming pressures of society and literal life and death situations. Friendships should be carefully cultivated so they take on a life of their own that ebbs and flows. They build trust through experience and love grows. Adult friendships can be a beautiful thing, but sometimes they just don’t work out and that is ok! Once we have carved a place in our hearts for a friend there will always be a little void where there was room to grow together before we fell apart. Perhaps that empty space is there for a second chance down the road, or maybe it stays forever as a reminder of what went wrong. Either way, it was worth it and we should honor the happy memories and remember them fondly. Some people come into our lives solely to teach us a lesson.

There is a distinct “fight or flight” instinct that comes with adult friendships. Often times one of you will have a major life event that consumes your soul to the point where you can’t pour love into others. This is the time where someone either steps up and shows their commitment to you or they back away because your problems are too much for them. It is through the major life circumstances that you either build a strong relationship or the foundation begins to crack and crumble. We all NEED these people in our lives to lean on, and we also need to be that person for them. It takes work, hard work, to balance the give and take. It also means leaning on each other for support when you can’t stand on your own. It’s not easy, but sister it is vital.

There will be many things in life that will try to pull you apart. There will be rumors and others who’s intentions are not in your best interest. But here is the beauty of a true friend. A true friend will know you better than to believe what they hear and they will defend you till the end. These people will be the family that you get to chose for yourself and the hard times will be easier because they are behind you 100%. They will catch you when you fall.

My beautiful friend Emily and I have a little saying that once a zebra shows their stripes, they will always be a zebra. Someone shouldn’t have to tell you that they are a good person, you should be able to see clearly who they are. Actions truly speak louder than words and to be perfectly honest, anyone who has to brag about being a good person should be a giant red flag. A zebra can cover itself and say it is a black stallion all it wants, but the paint will wear off and his stripes will be there for all to see. Once someone shows you their stripes, they can never fully hide their true self again. As I said earlier, not all people are meant to be your “person.”

We will all be the bad person at times. It’s human nature to mess up. How we handle these situations is what makes our character. Learn from your mistakes and apologize when you need to. Fill your life with grace. Work for your relationships and pour love into them. Be there when someone needs you, or you will be on your own when you need someone yourself. Throw grace around like confetti and seek friendship with a childlike heart.

Just remember, there is a difference in being friendly and being a true friend. Be friendly to everyone and cultivate the life you want with your friends. Put in the work. Learn from your mistakes. Cherish those you love and be thankful for all of life’s experiences. Forgive, but don’t forget actions that break your heart. That thing is precious and should be treated with care.

-C